a new hope

i've spent all week staring at a blank page
trying to figure out what to write

it's been a tumultuous last month
with james being away
and me being on my trip

i've spent a lot of time back-logging my feelings so i can get on with my work
and now that i want to access them
it seems i've built the wall so tall i can't

i'm mentally frustrated
if there is such a term
in a way i'm pleased i was able to compartmentalise things for once
but now i've realised i don't know how to undo it...

i had a great time on my trip to cambodia
john and kathy run an amazing program
they are such caring, wonderful people
their love truly knows no bounds

from the children to the teachers, staff, and volunteers in the village
they treat everyone the same
with love, respect, and encouragement 

what wonderful role models they are

i feel blessed to have met and worked with them

what they have done for the children and the community is truly inspiring

while there i was worried i wasn't going to have an aha! moment

i've had so much going on that my focus has been out of sorts lately
one week passed and i was happily settled into the routine
enjoying the variety of tasks sent my way
and appreciating the simplicity of the lifestyle

then they put me in year one with teacher davis
and as soon as class finished the first day i went straight to my room and cried
the children are so beautiful, and so lovely

the thought that someone would chose to leave them behind is appalling

people with hiv/aids are discriminated against in cambodia
the children are not accepted at normal orphanages
and the majority of these children have lost their parent/s to the disease
so there is no one to care for them

new hope not only gives them shelter, food and medicine

but a community, a family, and a future

when you think of children in an orphanage, you automatically feel sorry for them

but if you were to meet these children

every single one of them a shining star

you would understand that they are the lucky ones

they have the most basic of things

and lead a simple life

but i have never felt so much love and happiness in one place

i'm not sure exactly how this journey has changed me

i know i am fortunate to have the life i have
and the opportunities i have been given
but it doesn't make my life any better than anyone else's

i think douglas adams said it best:

“i may not have gone where i intended to go,
but i think i have ended up where i needed to be.”